Consent is always a hot topic in our Sex and Relationships Education classes and sometimes it can be hard to know if you’re actually getting consent. Getting consent doesn’t need to ruin the mood though; there are ways to make sure you are getting consent while keeping things sexy. Remember, consent isn’t just sexy - it’s mandatory!
See below some ways that you can make sure you’re getting consent:
“Do you want to have sex?”
This is one of the most basic questions to ask but it’s an important one. Assuming someone wants to have sex based on their body language, how they’re acting or how they’re dressed doesn’t equal consent. It’s a pretty sexy and exciting question though, because it’s about sex so your mind is automatically taken there!
“How far do you want to go?”
This question is a really good one to ask because it gives the other person an opportunity to explicitly say how far they want to take things. Some people might class sex as a blow job/oral sex while others might consider sex only to be vaginal/anal, so asking this question confirms the other person’s boundaries and prevents any mixed messages.
“Are you alright?”
Saying this during sex or while you’re getting intimate isn’t only good for consent, but it’ll make you seem more caring and sensitive too which is always a good thing! It gives someone the opportunity to say “no” or “not really” if they’re not enjoying something.
“Do you want me to keep going?”
Sometimes people start a sex act or get into a position that they’re keen for but then they start to not enjoy it but are too embarrassed to say anything, so questions like this are great for just making sure your partner is still okay with what you’re doing.
“Does that feel good?”
A quick and easy question to double check someone is liking what you’re doing - and if it’s a yes, it’s a nice reminder that you’re doing a good job too!
“Do you want me to wear a condom?”
Condoms are important when it comes to consent. Everyone should have the opportunity to use a condom if they wish and you should never pressure someone to have sex without one just because you don’t want to.
“Wanna try [sex position/sex act]?
If you’re thinking of whipping out some handcuffs or trying out a crazy new sex position then it’s definitely best to ask consent first. Asking ‘Wanna try…’ is a non-threatening way to assess whether they’d be keen to try that with you, and remember, it has to be an enthusiastic yes!
Read up more about consent at www.consentiseverything.com