We recently asked local people if they'd ever tried chemsex and if they'd be willing to share their story. Someone got in touch to share their experiences, read their chemsex journey below.
What made you want to engage with the chemsex scene?
I didn’t know what Chemsex was, I didn’t go out and look for it. I was in a bad place in my life I had split up from my partner of 10 years and lost my home. I turned to drink and the partying life. I downloaded Grindr looking for friends and drinking buddies.
The drink was an escape to the ‘rubbish’ that I felt my life was at the time. As I started chatting and meeting different people on Grindr. I met a couple on Grindr and arranged to meet them for a drink. We chatted and got to know each other. As time went by they got a call. Someone was going to be on their way to their house.
I soon discovered that they were having ‘chems’ delivered. It was then I was introduced to my first experience. It was Mephodrone (M-Cat).
What did you think about your first session? I wasn’t expecting to experiment with drugs. To be honest I was so against drugs and had never smoked. I was scared of poppers. But somehow I was in a situation where I was being told that it would make me feel good, let me forget about the issues I was going through.
I was terrified, but the guys were telling me that they would look after me, and that I would only have a small line. Whatever that meant. They showed me what to do, and I snorted it.
I didn’t feel anything, then it hit my nose, a painful stinging sensation then it slid down my nose. It was then the feeling hit me. It was like an instant state of care-free horniness had took over me. I wasn’t expecting it. I felt so close to the couple who were with me at this point. I remember thinking gosh I feel good. They started kissing, and I wasn’t embarrassed.
It soon led to what they called a ‘session’. My inhibitions and insecurities had gone. Afterwards, the shame of what I had done. I just wanted to get out of there, but the chemicals in my body made me feel like an attachment to the two of them.
Did having chesmex affect your day-to-day life? It became a regular thing, going to their place and meeting other guys. The sessions became more intense, being invited to other guys as they hosted these drug fuelled parties. I just turned up for the escape, sex was a side line. The drug taking became more extreme, with guys ‘slamming’ in the kitchen. With cocktails of M-Cat and G the parties would last the whole weekend. Friday afternoon through to Monday morning. I thought I had control, but I didn’t. The drugs started controlling me. It was no longer a choice, it was a need. My relationships with my true friends suffered because I was never around, I would always cancel on them.
Work was difficult, trying to hide the sweats, the side effects of my body getting rid of the chemicals in my body. I ended up leaving work, because I could no longer cope. Mentally I tried to take me own life. It had all became too much. Trying to balance everything with the escape. It all came crashing down around me. I had hit a point in my life where I didn’t want to live anymore. I was found by an ambulance crew after overdosing.
Did you use condoms when you had chemsex, or get any STIs? What advice would you give to someone thinking about having chemsex? I found myself in a very strange place, from someone who had never had an STI to someone who had literally in the year had almost been treated for most. I didn’t ask about HIV or Hepatitis C. I didn’t really think about the consequences of what I was doing.
After my first line the couple did disclose that one of them was on medications for HIV and was undetectable. I had no idea what this meant at the time. But if I’m honest I didn’t see that as a risk at all. I didn’t really see any risks or dangers. From my experience I was diagnosed with HIV, which is my reminder of the risky behaviours I went through as a result of Chemsex.
If I could go back, knowing what I know now. That escape that I felt was great at the time, but it soon made my life a lot worse. I found myself with anxiety and depression which were exacerbated by the drugs I had been taking. It took me a year to find myself with intense counselling and support from my family and friends. I was lucky.